20+ Practical Tips to Revive Your Marriage

With spring rolling around, perhaps it’s time to do some “gardening” in your marriage. Maybe your relationship is healthy and you’re just looking for the next way to breathe more life into it. Or, perhaps you and your spouse have recently gone through some rough patches and need to reconnect. Wherever you’re at, try implementing these ideas to revive your marriage.

Revive Your Marriage | 20+ Ways to Rekindle Your Relationship

• Read. You don’t have to literally sit down and read chapter-by-chapter together (although my husband and I have tried that). Even just reading the same book at the same time can open up some fun conversations. Below are some of my favorite books for marriage, but you could certainly choose a fiction book (we loved this one) or whatever interests both of you.
  • My Favorite Books for Marriage
    • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts (Gary Chapman)
    • Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul (John Eldredge)
    • Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul (John and Stasi Eldredge)
    • The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
• Pray. Commit to praying for your spouse and your marriage. You can also ask your spouse if there’s anything specific you can be praying about.  Chances are, they’ll be touched by the love extended in this simple offering. If they share what they’d like prayer for, resist any urges to give advice and don’t. judge. If you’ve already been praying for each other, try stepping up your game and try praying together.
• Cook together. Make a meal together. (Bonus points if it’s meaningful, like a replica of that gnocchi you had while honeymooning in Italy.)
• Reminisce. Flip through old photos from when you were dating or first got married. And please, when you do this, don’t start thinking “What has happened to us?!” or “We’ll never be like that again!”. Discipline yourself into thinking positively. “We were so young! We’ve grown and learned so much!” or “I can’t wait to see how we grow together through our current challenges.” Think and speak life over your marriage.

• Words of affirmation. Compliment his/her appearance. Simple, but powerful!
• Help out. Do a chore he/she normally does — and do it cheerfully, without expecting anything in return. (Learn to enjoy the feeling of doing the right thing, regardless of how other people behave.)
• Schedule a date. Get a sitter and go on a date. If you can’t get a sitter, have a date at home after the kids go to bed.
• Watch your tongue. Refrain from any negative comments or even facial expressions. Every word out of your mouth should be positive toward your spouse. It doesn’t matter what he/she did or didn’t do. When we sow beauty and life into our spouses, we reap beauty and life.
• Give him or her the benefit of the doubt. So often, we assume the worst when we should be assuming the best. I can recall so many times when I’ve felt guilty for things (like spending too much money or not getting anything done during the day). Despite the guilt I’ve felt, my husband has always responded with love and understanding. Do you know how that makes me feel? Safe. Safe enough to step out of the defensive mode I put myself in and just breathe. And if there’s any person in the world you should feel safe with, it’s your spouse.

• Improve your communication habits. Commit to talking through hangups by communicating with “we’s” instead of the more accusatory “you”. Likewise, if something is bothering you or if there’s something you need help with, speak up kindly before getting grouchy about it.
  • “We spent too much money last month.” (My sweet husband says this sometimes and never points the finger — Lol!  How awesome is he!)
  • “I can see that we can’t seem to reach an agreement on […]”.
  • “I’d love if you could help me take out the trash more often.” or even “Would you please take out the trash?” (You’d be surprised how many spouses are willing to help if they just know what we want!)
• Surprise him or her with a gift. Whenever I think about gift-giving, I get overwhelmed and try to come up with some grand idea that could never be topped. Unfortunately, all this does is prevent me from giving anything. If you want to surprise your spouse with a gift, even something small can go a long way in showing that you were thinking of him/her. Whether it’s a favorite candy or snack, a coffee, or a silly t-shirt you saw at Target, a little thoughtfulness can go a long way.
• Be adventurous. Try something new together and do it with enthusiasm and an open mind. By exploring new places and trying new activities, you have a chance to strengthen the bond you both have as members of the same team. My husband and I love trying new things to freshen up our dates. Among the most recent are kayaking (so fun) and an escape room (less fun — but we still laugh about it!).
• Game night. Whether you play cards or heads-up! (which has been our favorite lately), game nights are a fun way to break up the evening rut and breathe a little life into your relationship.
• Write a surprise love note or text. Again, so many of these ideas are so. easy. You don’t always have to go overboard to nurture your relationship. A little note or text that says “I love you” or “Thank you for […]” can go a long way.

• Practice self-care. Listen up. If your spirit is weighed down, you won’t be able to give your best to your spouse. Make sure you get what you need to be YOU. Whether it’s time outside or an uninterrupted shower, both you and your spouse will reap the benefits. God has specifically chosen you to be in your spouse’s life. You have unique gifts that can bless him or her in a way nobody else can. But if you’re burdened all the time, those beautiful gifts will go deep into hiding, never to be seen or enjoyed.
• Laugh and/or be silly together. Maybe it’s putting on music and having a dance party in your kitchen. Or maybe it’s literally racing to see who can get to bed first. Or maybe you start a tickle fight. Whatever it is, loosen up and have fun. If you feel like an idiot, you’re doing it right. 😉
• Spend time with healthy couples. And take notes. Even if your marriage is healthy, isn’t there always something to be learned?  Pay attention to how they talk to each other and about each other. Pay attention to how they look at each other. What do they do for fun together? How do they address challenges and disagreements? Mimic them until it becomes a habit.
• Stop comparing. Yes, you should be able to learn from healthy couples around you. But DON’T COMPARE YOUR SPOUSE OR YOUR MARRIAGE TO ANYONE ELSE’S. We always see the best of other peoples’ marriages and assume their relationships are perfect. But we fail to consider that a.) every marriage — no matter how perfect it might appear — has challenges, and b.) every marriage is composed of two people who are NOT you, and thus have different personalities, sensitivities, tendencies, challenges, gifts, etc. What works well in one marriage might not work well in yours. When we compare, we are only allowing ourselves to be distracted from fully experiencing, serving in, and benefiting from the situation we are actually in.

• Use touch. Some of us need to be more intentional about this. Whether it’s holding hands or doing a quick butt grab as you walk by, it can speak volumes of love (especially if touch is your love language). Again, often the simplest gestures speak the loudest.
• Ask follow-up questions. If your spouse is telling you about his or her day, try to respond with more than just one word. Find a follow-up question you can ask to show you’re not only paying attention but are also interested in what they have to say. Likewise, make it a point to check in with them on their interests and hobbies. (e.g., “How is that book you’re reading?”)
• Don’t rely on your spouse for your identity. This is a big one. So many of us are seeking affirmation of who we are from our spouses, and if we feel like we aren’t getting it, we become hurt. You really need to know and be comfortable with who you are if you want your marriage to thrive.
• Don’t take it too seriously. We women tend to overthink things. A lot. Sometimes analyzing whether something is fair, whether we’ve been wronged, or why we feel hurt just isn’t helpful. Sometimes, we need to just let it go and find joy in doing what is right. Sometimes, we just need to take a step back and regain perspective. Sometimes, we need to just laugh at ourselves and our spouses, even (no, especially) amidst tension. Sometimes, we just need to let it go and take the next step forward.